Redneck Photo Site

Redneck Photo Site


Where all the Redneck funny comes to live

Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Redneck funny things happen when you fall asleep around them







Rednecks in the Graveyard




Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing", says Earl, "here's one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Jeb yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Bubba.

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Georgia."


Don't ever fall asleep drunk around these folks. No telling how you might wake up.
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Monday, September 25, 2006
Redneck Horoscope




What's Your "REDNECK" Sign?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some of us (especially REDNECKS) are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what we need our own "REDNECK" symbols:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) - Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) - Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20) - You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20) - You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe not.

POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21) - When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) - Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) - Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those round them.. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) - Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) - Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) - You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) - Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) - You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Redneck Tubing: This looks like a fun sport
Here is a great way to go tubing Redndeck style.
What do you think?

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Friday, September 22, 2006
World Map According to America and other funnies
This is how a Redneck would dipict the world on a map if
left to him




Now That is funny maybe not Redneck but

still very funny picture.



The Sensitive RedneckThree Rednecks were working
on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve
falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says,
"Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff,
I'll do it."Two hours later, he comes back carrying a
case of Budweiser. Bruce says, "Where did you get that,
Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband
was dead and she gave you beer? "Well, not exactly",
Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,
'You must be Steve's widow'. "She said, "No, I'm not
a widow. "And I said, "I'll bet you a case of
Budweiser you are".




Even if that was a April Fool's joke that

is not cool.



A man walks into the doctor's office with
a serious problem!


"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions.

At home, work, and even at church, I release
tons of silent farts everywhere I go!

As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here
talking to you.

What are we going to do?"

The doctor replies

"The first thing we're going to do is check
your hearing"
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Thursday, September 21, 2006
Here is a great Redneck Bottle Rocket celebration
Here is a great Redneck funny home video about a rocket launcher

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Redneck Games: Great example of home comedy video
Here is a great home video of a Redneck inspired outside games





Some days really do feel like this.

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Redneck Joke of the Day 09/21/06


Real Funny Headlines

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While [you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Now there's a tragedy!

The art of being drunk


A.G.B. (abbr.) - "After Grog Bog." Let's just say better give it ten minutes if I were you. This turd is the stickiest and stinkiest of them all. The most effective ones are a result of beer drinking in mass quantity. (Aust. from Glen)
Bait-and-Switch (verb) - A term coined (rather, borrowed) by Kurt. Perhaps the most insidious bar trick of all. It seems to belong exclusively to women, although I'm not sure why. The point is for a pretty woman to help her less-attractive friend to talk to the man that she wishes to talk with. The pretty woman lures the man in question to the table/barstool, and then suddenly excuses herself, leaving the man alone with the plainer friend. (U.S. from Joan). Aust equivalents are called - the Wingman, Run the assist, the set up.
Bedspins (noun) - A peculiar variety of spins that occur when lying prone. Putting one foot on the floor usually helps. If you are already on the floor, may God have mercy on your soul. (U.S. from Joan)
Beer Goggling (verb) - Describes a phenomenon that occurs when one consumes enough alcohol to alter one's perception of beauty, taste, and aesthetics. Complete boors turn into wonders of poetry and grace. Screeching shrews seem elflike and lovely. Otherwise reasonable men begin buying drinks for women that make Ricki Lake look like Marilyn Monroe. The inspiration behind the popular U.S./Budweiser tee shirt, "Friends Don't Let Friends Beer Goggle." Noun - Beer Goggles (Intl. from Joan)
Blotto (adj.) - Could possibly have been derived from the term "blurred" as inblurred vision. No quite ratarsed but well on the way. (Aust. from Glen
Blow Chunks (verb) - See hurl
Booze (noun) - Can be used to describe any form of alcohol but is generally reserved for low grade swill such as Fosters, Hahn Ice or any cheap rum. (Intl. from Glen).
Buzzed (adj.) - Describes several sub-levels of mild intoxication. Getting and maintaining the buzz is the goal of many social drinkers and party-goers. Get [got, gonna get] my buzz on is a fragmentary statement often uttered by the skater/alternative/hardcore set as both a desire and a process. (U.S. from Joan)
Buzzkill (noun) - That which destroys the buzz. Examples of buzzkills would be fights with one's significant other while at the pub (particularly if one's friends are looking on with a mixture of disgust and resentment), boring people who insist on talking to you at the pub, your best friend admitting that he/she is sleeping with your significant other, horrible music after you've just heard three of your favorite songs in a row, discovering that you actually have about half of the money that you thought you had at the beginning of the evening, and barroom brawls. The only remedy for a buzzkill? Drink more beer. (U.S. from Joan)
Cooter Brown (noun)-- a drunkard of legendary proportions whose intake of alcoholic librations set a standard against which all drunks became forever measured; i.e., "drunker than Cooter Brown." (U.S. from Deebee1040)
Do shots (verb) - This is how people in the U.S. achieve their deserved drunken-hick stereotype. Shot glasses of spirits are downed in combination with beer, in one gulp. This is why it is referred to as "doing" a shot rather than "having" a shot. Sipping is definitely not part of the equation. (U.S. from Joan)
Drunk (adj.) - Intoxicated. Can refer to various levels, from feeling pleasantly gregarious to Projectile vomiting. Unlike the English, we do not use this term as a past tense of "drink", as in his beer was quickly drunk. We feel that this would only confuse the issue. Besides, how can a beer be drunk? That's like saying that a cup of coffee felt jittery. eg. "Drunk as a skunk", blind drunk, noun - drunk - one who is often drunk. (Intl.. from Joan)
Foster's Flop (noun - or lack of verb as it were) - Affects the male of the species when over-consumption and female company both occur on the same night. Also see ratarsed. (Aust. from Muzza)
F**ked up (adj.) - The Granddaddy of all drunks. The realization of this state generally occurs during the long and incomprehensible walk home. Parts of this journey generally remain shrouded in mystery forever. The walls, ground, and the very sky take on a circling, rotating quality (see spins, below.) (Intl. from Joan)
Hangover (noun) - The foglike result of the over-consumption of sparkling malt beverages on the previous night. No known cure, although many have tried. The best solution seems to be to take a couple of aspirin and grit your teeth. That saying about the hair of the dog curing its bite is a load of excrement. It only leads to a prolonged hangover. (Intl. from Joan)
Hammered (adj.) - Describes the feeling of extreme illness associated with over-consumption and is intensified if you happen to find yourself in a decent "knuckle" during the night.
Hair of the Dog (adj) - Describes of the process of consumption to cure the effects of over-consumption. Has shit-all effect and will most likely lead to spurts of projective vomiting. (Intl. from Glen).
Hooking up - Behavior generally observed in pubs beginning about an hour and a half before last call and lasting until they turn on the lights. Couples begin to pair off and wander outside. Public display of affection generally begins to occur both within and without the pub. Many times observed between people who were complete strangers until a couple of hours ago. Usually involves one of the parties glancing furtively (well, as furtively as one can when completely shitfaced) about in hopes of not being busted by his or her significant other, or more likely, by the friends of one's significant other. Will most likely end in whiskey dick/Foster's Flop. (Intl. from Joan)
Housed (adj.) - Moderately drunk. Beginning to stumble. This term is particularly popular with people who listen to the Grateful Dead and smoke large amounts of pot. (U.S. from Joan)
Hurl (verb) - (hurled, to hurl, I'm gonna hurl, etc.): To vomit. My jibe to my Irish friends is that they excel at hurling, both on the pitch and off. Refers to the adamant and projectile nature of drunken vomiting. Hurled (adv.), I'm gonna hurl, to hurl etc. (Intl. from Joan)
Gutter Hugger (noun) ie. To hug the gutter. The process of emptying the contents of your stomach into a gutter, or the nearest bin/trash can. (Aust. from Timo)
Legless (adj.) - common term used to describe the "beer wobbles" or the general feeling in instability caused by over consumption. (Intl. from Glen)
Piss (noun) - interesting term that can simply describe any form of alcohol (Aust.) or more commonly can be used to describe poor quality beer (ie. this is piss!). (Intl. from Glen)
Pissed (adj.) - general drunkenness. Context - "you're pissed", "oh shit I'm pissed", "I'll have a schooner of XXXX, god I'm pissed" etc. etc. (Aust. from Glen)
Piss-up (noun) - the process of gathering fellow beer swilling individuals to Suck piss (see below). This may be formal or informal, have a particular reason, or be simply gratuitous. Successful piss-ups end in a different location to which they started, possibly the watchhouse. (Aust. from Glen)
Pound (verb) A verb describing the act of drinking rapidly and in succession. Pounding a beverage is likely to result in conditions such as Foster's Flop/Whiskey Dick. (U.S. from Joan)
Ratarsed (adj) "Rat-arsed" - Basically, this is a state of extreme drunkenness. You experience feelings of - well you don't feel anything, you don't know who or where you are. At this stage you are unconsciously wishing that someone will take you home - From a male perspective, if this someone happens to be female have a note prepared saying that you don't want anything, just somewhere to sleep. This can save the male species from the embarrassment of what is described as Foster's Flop - the greatest side-effect of being ratarsed. (Aust. from Glen)
Shitfaced (adj.) - Pretty drunk. Most likely one has vomited at least once. One's vocabulary has grown a little thick. Fine motor skills, such as handwriting, are beginning to go to hell in a handbasket. Completely shitfaced A finer shade of shitfaced. All of the above conditions apply, with the tendency to deem those who resemble Quasimodo as rather attractive (see beer goggling). (Intl. from Joan)
Spew (verb) - See blow chunks.
Spins (noun) - The sensation that all material planes about you are engaged in constant, whirling motion, leaving you no solid ground upon which to stand. Generally produces a feeling of profound nausea. (U.S. from Joan)
Staggering (verb) - The process of attempting to gain mobility while heavily under influence. Example include - staggering towards the bar, staggering towards home, staggering on the hood of a taxi.
Suck Piss (verb)- Any activity that involves drinking. Introduced to me by my drinking buddy, Matt, this term requires no explanation of context as it has none. Simply, if you know someone familiar with this term, you phone them, or email them, say/type "suck piss", and hey presto, you're on the train ready for anything from a quiet one (one or two small drinks) to an extreme drinking binge. (Aust. from Matt)
Tipsy (adj.)- commonly used in the wine drinking arena and most commonly describes a female of the species under slight influence. Warning signs include extreme and uncharacteristic flirting, loudness of voice and irritating laughter. (Intl. from Glen)
Two Pot Screamer (noun) - A pot is approximately equivalent to half a pint and is the most commonly available glass size in Australia. If an individual shows signs of any of the terms listed above or below after 2-4 pots, they are referred to as a two pot screamer. If you are paying for the drinks, they make an excellent companion - good value all round. They get drunk before you do, so you can laugh at them, and the drinks won't cost all that much. (Aust. from Glen)
Under the Weather (adj.) - used to explain the effects similar to a hangover. (Aust. from Glen)
Wasted (adj.) - Involves repeated vomiting. Giving someone your phone number is out of the question, as you became incapable of writing back during the completely shitfaced phase. The floor has developed an annoying habit of shifting backward and immediately jerking sharply upward when you attempt to descend from your barstool to go to the bathroom to vomit. (Intl. from Joan)
Whiskey Dick (noun) - See Foster's Flop (U.S. from Joan)
Wrecked (adj.) - see as wasted. (Intl. from Glen)

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Redneck Roller Coster and Yomomma Jokes
Although this is not really safe it is really interesting to watch
the really do rexperience the same as on a regular roller coster


Redneck Roller Coaster








Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama is so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested
for mooning.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map,
she sees people waving.

Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea World!

Yo mama's so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with
a job application.

Yo Mama is so ugly, she walked out of the pet store and the
alarm went off.

Yo' mama so dumb, she bought a solar powered flash light!

Yo' mama's breath is so nasty, when she burps her teeth have to duck.

Yo mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said,
"I got energy!"

Yo mama's so dumb she thought Subway made trains.

Yo mama's so dirty, the U.S. Army wants to use her bath water as
a biological weapon.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she worked at the bakery they
dipped her face in the batter to make animal cookies.

Yo' mama's breath stinks so bad, people look forward to her farts!

Yo mama is so dirty she has to creep up on the bathwater.

Yo mama's so fat, she walked in the donut shop and they all shouted,
“There's those missing jelly rolls!”

Your Mama is so old, she's got a bible autographed by Jesus!

Q: What's the difference between yo' mama and the Titanic?
A: The Titanic sunk and your mama floated.

You so ugly, when yo' mama dropped you off at school, she
got a ticket for littering!
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Redneck Walmart Greeter
What it takes to be a Wal-Mart Greeter:

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an
individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes
he found four people who were equally qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table,
the interviewer asked,

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT."

It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.

"Hmm.! Let me see. A BLINK ! It comes and goes and you don't
know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a
very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.

Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and

thought he had found his man.

"It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed
the same question.

Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers,
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I
wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit in my pants."

Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!


redneck Jokes hillbilly humor comedian ringtones
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Monday, September 18, 2006
Everymans Dream Girl: Have a look
This is a video of everymans dream girl.And a Redneck is
no exception. Have a look at this great video. She makes
the ultimate Redneck girl. And she knows you might be a redneck if you can fire a bow with your feet!!





Related: Amazing videos you cannot show that on television
bloopers athletic women videos redneck sayings hillbilly jokes.
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Sunday, September 17, 2006
Redneck Yacht Club
Here is a video by Craig Morgan call the
"Redenck Yacht Club"

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Saturday, September 16, 2006
Best Redneck Picture Show
So I guess one question might be will there ever not be
any material to feature on your Redneck site? The answer
is no. No matter what I seem to find more material each
day than I could possibly have time to post. The following
video is nice though. It is a compilation video of funny
Redneck pictures set to the song "Dualing Banjos" please
enjoy.

Related: Redneck goofs jokes sites bloopers blunders
country music street magic cards
ringtones.





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Friday, September 15, 2006
Ultimate Redneck Vehicle

This has got to have been invented by a Redneck. Who else
would want to have his beer to take with him?













You know they say mans best friend is his
dog. We know thats the case with this
Redneck.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
300 Reasons why you might be a Redneck
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your considered an expert on wormbeds.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
You've ever bought a used cap.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
you have ever used lard in bed.
you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
The primary color of your car is bondo.
directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people.
your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
you see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug.
you consider the fifth grade you senior year.
you have a rag for a gas cap.
the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
you bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
the main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
you mow the front yard and find a car.
your other truck is made by John Deere.
you think suspenders are a type of shirt.
going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
you keep a spit cup on the ironing board.
you ever got too drunk to fish.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn't have any branches.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was
snubbed for best picture.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You consider a family reunion a good place to pick up girls.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Beurau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry
about is if you can loose them or not.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathromm appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
When you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack," it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking
brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl
make love.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car..on purpose! "
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible".
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!".
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?".
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
You replace a flat tire on your truck with a tire from your house.
You've ever put a six-pack in a casket right before they closed it
Your family's No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
You use lava soap more than three times a day.
You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.
You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.
You can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.
Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.
You've ever fed your date french fries in a Denny's.
Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.
Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
You stand under the mistletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
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When deers attack part 2
This hunter gets his butt kicked by a deer. And I don't mean for
just a little while. It's a long butt whooping.



This deer will completely suprise you. And you will never guess
peoples reaction.



And this is a classic bit that the fellows at the Man Show did recently.

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Top list of funny bumper stickers
Funny Bumper Stickers


1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking. 10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame Someone Else And SeekCounseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me. I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over
40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed for 70 mph.
41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut? 43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
49. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
50. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit .. Got It!
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
59. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them
60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious?
64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
65. Sore/Loserman 2000

Wanted to give a shout out to Gabby over at

http://forever-17.blogspot.com/

She has a really cool looking site give it a look.
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Sunday, September 10, 2006
Today's subject "Blue Collar Dollar"
Well I thought that I would start out todays blog
post with a cool video Blue Collar Dollar. It
plays great on the "here's your sign" idea.

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Saturday, September 09, 2006
It takes big rocks to have these signs up outside your place of business: I bet there was a Redneck involved


Make you wonder what the world is coming to when you think of things like the above possibly ever happening.










This is completely true. Not that it is the bad thing that the author of these sign' s seems to think.




It is soon going to be election time again. I wonder what they will do at Casa D' Ice in preperation for that.

As Mr. Foxworthy would say "Here's your sign"


Apparently from this and other posts on their signs the don't think much of our current President.

Not only do you have to press "1" alot anymore I am finding that there are no real persons answering the phone at most businesses and government locations. In fact as angering as it
is if I need to contact my cell phone provider T-Mobile I have to go thru an automated
process that does not rely so much on pushing "1" but having to tell my questions and
problems to and automated voice recognizing attendant.





These signs are real. They are signs that are updated often outside of this resturaunt. Please take a look and tell me do you think that there was a
Redneck involved in this somewhere?



Spoken like a true Redneck.










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Tuesday, September 05, 2006
The Ultimate Redneck remote control


Just like in the movie "Click" the is indeed
the universal Redneck remote control

As Larry the Cableguy says this will help
"Git R Done"
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You know your a Redneck Computer Geek If....
Redneck Computer Geek
You might be a redneck addicted to the
world of computers if...

If yer computer stand is made of a stack of
old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.

Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a
wrestlin' organization.

Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and
ya ask if they need bail money.

Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.

Ya think a hard drive is a trip to
Uncle Bubba's.

Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer
spit can.

Ya think a surge suppressor is a pill
for diarrhea.

Ya keep trying to figure out why yer
scanner won't pick up police radio calls.

Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich
at McDonalds.

Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.

Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.

Ya try to figure out how to get yer
empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin.

Ya try to turn on yer computer with
the remote.

Ya try to figure out how yer floppy disk got hard.

Ya play Frisbee with yer CD Rom's.

Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer
"A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.

When birds fly across yer screen ya reach for
yer shotgun.

Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on
cinder blocks.

Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.

Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy
stamps fer yer e-mail.

Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.

Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.

Ya give directions to a website that
include a person, animal, or old barn.

Ya see the word Download, and take the
shells out of yer shotgun.

Ya think the person that made yer keyboard
was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.

Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure
out how ta change gears.

Ya see the word "Zip" and know why youz
feelin' a draft.

Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.

Part of yer puter is held together
with duct tape.

Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach
into the cooler fer another beer.
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Monday, September 04, 2006
Redneck 3 legged pig
Alabama Farmer

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp

Redneck Fitness

You know you're a redneck when your stair master has an ashtray!

Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.
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Redneck retaliation and marriage
A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with
his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood
up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent
that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.
The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta
this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!


Redneck Marriage

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of
his pickup truck
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Sunday, September 03, 2006
Redneck Bikini Contest
Here is a fine video from the fellows over
at Redneck.tv. It is their latest episode
and also so far their most interesting.
Of course what Redneck can say no to a
girl in a bikini?

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Friday, September 01, 2006
Redneck and the Gorilla
A small zoo in Oklahoma had a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the
animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The
Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.

Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing
to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some
interest, but said he would have to think the matter over
carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept
their offer, but only under four conditions:

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'drun raised
as Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

4. "And last of all", Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me
another week to come up with the $500.00."
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